Thursday, January 20, 2011

septième jour

The seventh morning of the nine mornings.I realized that each day as I encounter and experienced life, I'm slowly losing the luster and brightness of my eyes ( metamorphically speaking ).I'm slowly losing grip of my thoughts, of my being. I'm slowly losing control of my own self ( it's not like I'm on drugs.*TROLOLOL!!*).
It's like I'm growing, I'm becoming the person I'm supposed to be, without my knowing nor my consent, like I was already patterned on who and what I am to become. Maybe this is the reason why lately I've been experiencing sadness out of nowhere. But now I understand why I am feeling in this way: I am scared because I know that I do not have hold of my life, I do not have control of who and what will I be. I'm am terrified that those dreams I have, those plans I've made are just futile. I am mad that I may distaste the mission I am bound to follow and fulfill , that  I may no longer pursue may personal legend 
( as what Paulo Coelho called it).
I am afraid of the future though before I was so fond of it, fond of it to that point of living for it instead of living in the moment. I totally treasure my future, it's the only thing that provides me joy when I'm sad but now that the universe slowly, slowly shows me that  the future I longed for would be impossible, it's not that I'm way too pessimist, but these days I was bombarded with signs, showing me that I don not have control of
the things in my life and in myself. Like I am meant for something and not for my passion.
I am so scared now, I cannot stop myself thinking: would it be worth and acceptable to defy such fate and follow my personal legend, my personal will, or to accept and follow the fate that is in store for me?.
Which is which? 

 Eeeek!!! sorry if I sound too serious and creepy there, just the repercussions of thinking too much ^__^.
So this dress was a thrift find and would you believe it that it only cost 10php albeit the fabric is as good as new. However, it cost me too much for the resizing, since when I bought it, the size was large and it's way too unbecoming for me to wear it as it is. I love the Ribbon detail of the dress, it gives a school-girl vibe to the whole look .

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